Crain

Speed

(Temporary Residence Ltd., 2005)

Crain was a little bit too early and a little bit too late. Earlier, they would have preceded the first Fugazi full length and been hailed as ushering in alternative rock. Later, they would have been considered a catalyst for whatever screamo is. But as luck has it, Crain released this, their first album in 1992. Speed was recorded at Inner Ear Studios (home to pretty much every Dischord band) and produced by Steve Albini. Since it’s worth noting the appearance of Albini, it’s also worth mentioning that he is above all else a businessman and has stated the he’s be willing to work for anyone with the funds. So his appearance doesn’t necessarily dictate quality, but it should hint at the sound. What Albini did manage to get down on record wasn’t exactly punk or metal or pop, but an early nineties amalgam. There’s almost funky drumming coupled with a brusque bass player and couple of noisy guitarists. Since Speed is an early ‘90s recording, there are marks of SST and the aforementioned Dischord bands everywhere. Most notably, the Minutemen are evoked consistently on the tracks “Monkey Wrench”, with the start/stop timing, the seven minute “Kneel”, “Ten Miles of Fiction” and “Ribcage”, which showcases a screamed chorus of, “Let me loose/Let me free”. Amongst the fourteen tracks, there’s no undeniable stand out, but only one complete loser. “Blistering” comes towards the end of the album with an enticing guitar part, but then surges forward with off key crooning. This band isn’t your life. And there’s a reason that Speed wasn’t repressed for thirteen years, but it’ll probably please you if you’re a fan of early-nineties-tiny-label-rock.

The Yuppie Pricks

Brokers Banquet

(Alternative Tentacles, 2005)

This entire endeavor is more interesting in theory than in practice.  Some guys who listen to punk, mockingly don yuppie gear and write songs only yuppies could love.  Coke jokes galore, the lyrical content focuses on vanity, money and women who, “suck it ‘til it’s blue”.  Amusing for a while, I can’t really imagine anyone buying this.  Perhaps the liner notes, which include most of the songs lyrics, should be sold separately.  Lines like, “extra mayo on my rich bitch sandwich”, “you need more than looks to fuck me/better have the credit and lots of money” and “saving my pennies for a bag of blow”, mean that the writing is more entertaining than the music.  The band cranks out average punk and rewrites “New Rose” by The Damned as “New Rolls” (it’s about the car, just to let you know).  Every song on here is somewhat annoying and completely innocuous, but “Day Spa” is aurally insulting.  The vocal phrasing is off and Trevor Middleton can’t quite hit the right notes.  Towards the end of this slab though, the band tosses in a Motards cover.  And finally on the last track, (a song borrowed from The Geto Boys) “Damn it Feels Good to be a Yuppie”, Jello Biafra makes an appearance and raps a five-minute song.  His appearance seems rather pointless considering the previous twelve tracks consist of someone coping his style.  Alternative Tentacles is probably the only label daring enough and financially capable of putting out such a release.  So, you got ten dollars that you want to get rid of?  Send it to me care of Clamor instead of to these guys.  I need it to buy some sushi and a new suit.